There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Randomize
