C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
