He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
