i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
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