i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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