clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
