I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Randomize
