How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
