i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
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