i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
it's great music for shaving your balls
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Randomize
