According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Lo siento on account of my penis...
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
