Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
wow bdsm is so cute
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
