About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
I can't turn off my feet"
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
