yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Randomize
