that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
