I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
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