I am puke
Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
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