eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Randomize
