meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
