Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
