So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
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