I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
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