the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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