So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
