So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
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