i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
