He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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