I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
Did I show you my penis last night?
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
