Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
is that a dick in a sweater?
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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