It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
do herpes really smell.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Randomize
