what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Randomize
