and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
