Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Randomize
