Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
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