Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
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