MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
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