Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
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