the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Randomize
