I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Randomize
