And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
