Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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