she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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