i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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