eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
