soooo we both peed the bed last night...
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Of course I have a pirate flag
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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