you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
She told me I should be a condom model.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
I'm always down for nudity.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
