On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Randomize
