if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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