i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
i think i scared a bird with my dick
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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