Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
We named our party play list daddy issues
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Randomize
