just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
