In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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